These chess puns come in the form of chess jokes. Hopefully they will not require you to think too much,although they equally will not require you to laugh or think of them as being originality. Here you go! I had dinner once with Garry Kasporov in a restaurant with checked tablecloths..
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It took him two hours to pass me the salt. I had to leave the hotel earlier when two grand masters arrived and started talking about their best tournaments. I can’t stand chess nut boasting in an open foyer!
Got a blank chess board. Check it out.
Spotted a bird playing chess. I thought, “Toucan play that game”.
When I was learning chess, I once tried to move my caste first. Bit of a rookie error. Friend asked me if I fancied a game of chess next week. I said I’d check my diary. He doesn’t have a board. Love playing chess with people I meet in the park. Really hard to find thirty two of them willing to take part, though. Got a job working shifts as a piece in a 24 hour human chess game. I’m on knights this week.
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Making a film about playing chess in a lift. The Dark Knight Rises. Saw a game that’s a mix of chess, Connect Four and battleships. It’s called rook, line and sinker.
Chap asked me how I was going to pay for my new chess set. I said, “Cheque, mate”.
I Had to join chess.com. know why?
I Pawned all of my chess sets!
One friend said to the other “I saw an explosive game of chess the other day…”, to which the other
replied “How so?”
“The first move was pawn to c4!”
All the digits were playing chess (just to fit in with this topic). As they sat down to play, the zero said to
the eight “your belt is a bit tight!”.
Chess puns with a bit of some story line (conversation form) are also rib cracking! Check them out!
Me: “Judit Polgar, I think I’m a pin”
Judit Polgar: “I can see your point”
Mr. A: “hm~~, I am confused”
Mr. B: “What’s the problem, A?”
Mr. A: “Well, I am thinking about chess.”
Mr. B: “Oh, I am an expert, A, so if you got any. . . ”
Mr. A: “OH GOOD~, you see B, THe queen has the power of both Bishop and Rook, which makes it kinda
the best piece in the game but, how come the queen can’t move like a knight?”
Mr. B: “Um… um… um… Maybe… because… um… The queen is too shy to get onto a horse… you
know… the skirt and stuff… ”
Mr. A: “Ok… but I thought only man can go to war. How come there is a queen in the chess board?”
Mr. B: “Because… um… um… everyone should be treated equally?”
Mr. A: “I see. I thought women weren’t treated equally in the past.”
Mr. B:”You know what, I gtg.”
Anyone know why there is a queen in the chess board and why it can’t move like a horse~
A chess master died – after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
“What’s it like, where you are now,” he asked.
“What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news?”
“Tell me the good news first.”
“Well, it’s really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and
Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they’re all here, and you can play them.”
“Fantastic!” the friend said, “and what is the bad news?”
“You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday.”
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting.’ So we stopped playing chess.
Chess puns in form of narratives:
Let’s understand the game first… For the Newbies. Chess is a fun game and easy to learn. You play on a
board of 164 squares, which are coloured light and dark, and there are two armies, one black and grey.
The rows are called ranks and the columns are called officers.
The aim of a game of chess is to capture your opponent’s Queen and then they will make a sad face.The Queen is worth nine pounds, which is the same as three rooks. If you are in check from a friend it is called check, mate.
At the start of the game all the pieces are queued up in a line waiting for a bus. So at the start of the game you have to get your pieces off the back rank and into the box. Get your queen out as soon as you can and you might be able to win a pawn.
It’s always better to send one piece off to attack by itself, in case your pieces are needed to defend somewhere else. Also in the opening, keep your king in the middle so it can escape to either side. Make some space at the sides by moving the pawns in front of your knights and rooks. If your opponent puts their pieces in the center you can surround their army and win easily.
The most common opening system for juniors is the Grand Piano; another is the Royal Opal. An opening gambit is where you give up pawn to confuse your opponent.Once the opening is over, you have the muddle game. In this part of the game, you can win points by eating Tactics. These are called forks, knives, nets, hooks, skewers, ropes, pins, needles and heffalump traps. Sometimes there are no tictacs and you have to win by attacking where your opponent is strongest.
You can tell where your position is strong and your opponent’s position by looking for things like knight signposts, bad bishops (this is a bishop that hasn’t done its homework), open lines, and pawns which are duffled, isosceles or westward.
Once you are ahead on points, you should stop bothering about tic tacs. Instead you swap off all the pawns so you can win with your extra piece. Make sure you keep your King safely hidden away at the end. If you get a pawn to the end you can turn it into any piece you want, for example, a King. Then you can hunt down the opposing army with your extra material. When your opponent has no pieces left except the King, and the King can’t move, then you win on points. Chess puns with the best of human creativity
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ”But why?” they asked, as they moved off. ”because,” he said ”I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
I bought a chess set the other day. I started eating it but it tasted horrible, so I took it back to the shop and said, “Here, this is stale mate.” The shop-keeper said, “No it’s not.” I said, “Yes it is. Check mate.”
The Merchant and the Arab
A Spanish merchant traveling a lonely road did business from town to town. One day he came across an
Arab sitting in the middle of the road with a chess board.
Curious, the merchant asked, “Why are sitting here alone playing chess?”
“Oh, I’m not alone,” said the Arab.
“But I don’t see anyone with you.”
“That is, the Arab replied, because I play the great Allah, the One who is everywhere!”
“You have a powerful opponent, then!”
“Yes, but a fair one.”
“And is He winning?” asked the merchant.
“It seems so. Can you see how I can avoid being checkmated by His next move? It will mean I cannot
play anymore today.”
“Why not?” the merchant asked, puzzled.
“I will have lost all my money,”replied the Arab.
Stunned and not believing his ears, the merchant said slowly, “You and Allah play chess for money?”He had never ever heard of such a thing.
“Yes. See, here I lose twenty gold pieces.”
“But wait, how do you pay Allah?”
“Oh, of course Allah doesn’t take the money Himself. He sends some honest holy man who takes it from
me and gives it to the poor. That is the same as giving it to Allah. And, since I have indeed lost, you must
be the man Allah has sent today. Here, do Allah’s and take these twenty gold pieces.”
The merchant, not as honest or holy as he might have been, was delighted.
Weeks later, again traveling that road, the merchant shook his head at the thought of the Arab playing
chess with Allah. Suddenly, in the middle of the road was the Arab, sitting alone with his chess board.
“Is Allah winning today?”
“asked the merchant pulling his wagon up alongside.
“No,” replied the Arab, happily.”In fact, in one more move I shall checkmate Him, and win a hundred
“And however will Allah pay you?”
“Oh, of course Allah doesn’t pay me Himself. He sends some honest holy man who will give me what I
have won! Today,”the Arab finished, you must be the man Allah has sent to pay me one hundred gold